In conversation with the article by Machado, I had never articulated for myself that the violence of protection was also a way to legitimize harm. “I can commit harm to others if I am protecting you.” The logic boomerangs and echoes back in personal relationships, and it makes me think of “I hit/ abuse you because I love you” (All About Love, hooks). I also think about the violence used against protesters of war and imperial violence. The logic also echoes Israel’s argument in justifying genocide and extermination of the Palestinian people. “We commit violence against the Palestinian people and state to protect the Jewish state.” Men and empires justify violence through altruistic intent to “protect” others or oneself, even if it is dehumanizing for others. An unspoken truth about this logic is that in the name of protection, men and empire also obtain and maintain systemic power and control through violent domination.
This “abstract rage to protect” is the keystone of the patriarchal domination many of the men in this article mention. Samuel, who shared that nice quote about humanity and manhood (which was my favorite too), also shared how he learned what it meant to be a man through the physical domination of his father at 14: “If I were to abstract away what I learned, then, it’s that to be a man is to compete with and defeat other men.” At a superficial level, they’re both men and they are performing gender roles and sure… It’s Just A Game. Boys Will Be Boys! Boys Play Rough! I am most interested in his father’s prolonged confession and why he felt “emasculat[ion].” I am interested in why it took him so long (at least a few years, since Samuel is now 25) to confess his shame to his son. I am interested in the “altered” power dynamics between father and son.
What happens to you if you’ve been playing this game your whole life and one day, you lose? What happens if you’ve been playing this game your whole life but one day, you win? Can you be both keep your dignity and be a loser of this game? Can you both keep your humanity and be a winner of this game? What happens if you do not play? What does it look like to actively reject this game? Nate, 21 year old college student says, “I learned how to be a man from the other boys in school. I was never told explicitly what it meant, but when I got it wrong it was made obvious.” There is implicit punishment in not being able to perform manhood. I can only imagine how isolating it is to lose or to not understand the game. There is a lot of loneliness in being disconnected from yourself and others. As an educator, I am always wondering what it looks like to teach empowerment in spite of patriarchal violence.
In conversation with the article by Machado, I had never articulated for myself that the violence of protection was also a way to legitimize harm. “I can commit harm to others if I am protecting you.” The logic boomerangs and echoes back in personal relationships, and it makes me think of “I hit/ abuse you because I love you” (All About Love, hooks). I also think about the violence used against protesters of war and imperial violence. The logic also echoes Israel’s argument in justifying genocide and extermination of the Palestinian people. “We commit violence against the Palestinian people and state to protect the Jewish state.” Men and empires justify violence through altruistic intent to “protect” others or oneself, even if it is dehumanizing for others. An unspoken truth about this logic is that in the name of protection, men and empire also obtain and maintain systemic power and control through violent domination.
This “abstract rage to protect” is the keystone of the patriarchal domination many of the men in this article mention. Samuel, who shared that nice quote about humanity and manhood (which was my favorite too), also shared how he learned what it meant to be a man through the physical domination of his father at 14: “If I were to abstract away what I learned, then, it’s that to be a man is to compete with and defeat other men.” At a superficial level, they’re both men and they are performing gender roles and sure… It’s Just A Game. Boys Will Be Boys! Boys Play Rough! I am most interested in his father’s prolonged confession and why he felt “emasculat[ion].” I am interested in why it took him so long (at least a few years, since Samuel is now 25) to confess his shame to his son. I am interested in the “altered” power dynamics between father and son.
What happens to you if you’ve been playing this game your whole life and one day, you lose? What happens if you’ve been playing this game your whole life but one day, you win? Can you be both keep your dignity and be a loser of this game? Can you both keep your humanity and be a winner of this game? What happens if you do not play? What does it look like to actively reject this game? Nate, 21 year old college student says, “I learned how to be a man from the other boys in school. I was never told explicitly what it meant, but when I got it wrong it was made obvious.” There is implicit punishment in not being able to perform manhood. I can only imagine how isolating it is to lose or to not understand the game. There is a lot of loneliness in being disconnected from yourself and others. As an educator, I am always wondering what it looks like to teach empowerment in spite of patriarchal violence.