Are we allowed to be undecided about having kids?

New feature at Article Club: Let’s chat about Ann Friedman’s essay collection on her decision to have children

I distinctly remember when Ann Friedman entered my orbit back in 2014. Here I am back then!

One of my best friends from college (hi Steph!) recommended the “Call Your Girlfriend” podcast, describing it as basically eavesdropping on two long-distance best friends catching up each week. Ann and her long-distance best friend, Aminatou Sou, lived on separate coasts, but would call each other each week to catch up and chat about whatever was on their minds. 

I related to that immediately. I was in law school at Tulane when Call Your Girlfriend started, and I was also trying to navigate life as a post-college twenty-something who was trying to maintain the closeness of my long-distance friendships (my friendship with Steph being one of them). 

Call Your Girlfriend led me to subscribing to Ann’s weekly newsletter, and I’ve been an avid reader (with some ebbs and flows) for nearly a decade. I like to think of her as my fascinating, well-read big sister who has already discovered the fun and intriguing articles and pieces on the internet that I’ve been searching for. And she’s curated it all for me each Friday with a fun pie chart! What’s not to love?

And fun fact — Article Club had an ad in Ann’s newsletter earlier this year. I signed up for Article Club via that issue, and here I am today on your screen (and in your ears, if you’ve been listening to the podcast between Mark and me!). 

All to say, Ann Friedman’s work means a lot to me.

And Ann’s newest project is a testament to how life is full of surprises. 

She is now doing a 10-week essay series about an unexpected new chapter of her life — becoming a parent.

Now for the Friedman Fans out there (Friedman Family, Friedman-ists, Fried-heads? We should come up with a name y’all): You’ll know that Ann essentially built an identity around being a child-free person. 

And for me personally, I felt like she allowed me to embrace that same decision. She created a space where it was not only completely acceptable to be child-free, you didn’t need to hide it and you could also see how fulfilling life could be — something that is not easy in a society where when you say “I don’t want kids” as a woman or femme, folks look at you like you grew antlers on your head. 

After reading the first essay I was floored. The essay was in a word — astonishing. 

It was deep and personal, it opened up possibilities in my mind, it made me ask myself some serious questions around decisions I have made about my own life and parenthood, and it also got me talking about it with one of my girlfriends over brunch (hi again Steph!). 

And to me, that is what all exceptional pieces do — invite reflection and also create community.

So that is what I want to do with Article Club these next 10 weeks! 

Read with me, then come chat!

I invite you to read this series with me and to hop into the Substack Chat with me to discuss our thoughts, feelings, and questions that pop up around parenthood, bodily autonomy, difficult decisions, and identity. 

At Noon eastern on Mondays, a few days after the newest essay drops in Ann’s newsletter, I’ll hop in the Substack Chat with a question and a thought and we can share what comes up for us after reading the newest essay. 

You don’t have to be in the chat exactly at noon on Mondays. I plan on keeping the thread open for the week and then turning to the newest essay each Monday. 

What’s Substack Chat?

For those new to Substack Chat, it is basically like a group message for all of the folks that are subscribed to Article Club to chat with each other. Instead of leaving comments on a post, you can chat in real time through the chat function. And because it lives in a separate section of Substack, it’ll be easier to access than having to comment on separate Substack posts.

How can I find it?

You can find it in a couple ways:

1. On your computer, go to substack.com/chat. The chat function will be on the far left hand side. It looks like two little message bubbles. Click there and you’ll be able to see the chat — once I start it — and join in! It works just like a group message and if you turn on notifications, you’ll get a notification of when I’ve started the chat!

2. If you’re reading this via the Substack app on your phone or tablet, you’ll see the same two message bubbles icon at the very bottom of the app. You tap on that, and you’re in the chat function! With notifications on, you’ll know when I’ve popped in and when other Article Clubbers are in the chat as well. 

YES, this is for me! What do I do now?

• Be sure to subscribe to Ann’s newsletter to get the newest essay each Friday! (It’s free.)

• Read Ann’s first three (short!) essays. Here’s the link to her first essay “Plot Twist” and her second essay “No Country for Undecided Women.” Her third essay is coming out this Friday.

• Join me in the Chat. If you’ll be joining in, say that you’re “in” in the comments!

Our first chat will be next Monday 12/4 at 12 Noon ET and we’ll be chatting through our overall thoughts of these first three essays. And if you’re able to read only one or two of them by then, that is completely fine! 

I want to hear — and I’m sure all of the Article Clubbers here want to hear — your reflections as we make our way through this series!

I’m on the fence. How do I know this is for me?

If you’ve been curious as to what it feels like to be in the Article Club community (spoiler alert — it's great!) then this is an easy and flexible way for you to see what the community is like. 

And to read a much shorter piece than our monthly discussion pieces, but still be able to discuss it with some lovely people!

And — last ‘and’ here — to get going on that New Year's Resolution I know you have to read more and to read interesting pieces (why wait until January 1st, and we can be your accountability buddies!)

Questions about this? Drop a comment and I’ll reply! Hope to see you next Monday, December 4!